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TOP 10 | Good Bad Christmas Horror Movies

15 Dec 2017

Carefully selected oddities for all your so bad it's good festive horror requirements. I've watched everything I could get my hands on and discovered a couple of obscure gems (neither of which involve Krampus).

 

Video Top 10:

 

Words Top 10 (...including videos):

 

10

Jack Frost (1997)

A crazy murderer is doused with crazy chemicals that turn him into a crazy snowman. Who's still a crazy murderer. The ineptitude of the execution qualifies this as bad even though it isn't entirely sincere. And it's so stupid it warrants a place on this list.

 Frost Bite Films ltd.

 

 

9

Blood Beat (1983)

Two women develop a psychic link with the ghost of an ancient samurai warrior for some reason. A lo-fi and folksy take on the old 'telepathic samurai ghost terrorises Wisconsin at Christmas' cliche.

 Husky Pup Film Productions

 

 

8

To All a Goodnight (1980)

A killer takes revenge on a group of girls spending Christmas at their sorority house... which is so remote it seems only to be accessible by plane. An over-familiar setup comes to life thanks to ham-fisted direction (from the guy who played Krug in Last House on the Left) and characters who are the most stereotypical stereotypes imaginable.

 Four Feathers Partners

 

 

7

Santa Claws (1996)

Part of the 'kid sees Santa having sex with mummy and grows up to be a psycho' sub-subgenre. This particular psycho kills anyone he deems to have slighted his favourite horror movie Scream Queen, obviously. Shamelessly exploitative and utterly nonsensical.

 Market Square Productions

 

 

6

Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)

A man returns to his ancestral home and starts digging into its mysterious history. Like blood Beat this isn't outrageously laugh-out-loud funny, but it has an old-school charm reminiscent of a Roger Corman/Boris Karloff collaboration. And it features a mute John Carradine communicating only via bells (a Christmas gift that just keeps on giving).

 SGL Entertainment

 

 

5

Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)

It's Christmas in London and someone is murdering people dressed as Santa. Stern and grimy attempt to turn the killer Father Christmas archetype on its head. The dialogue, acting and British accents are hilarious (even though I have one myself).

 Spectacular Trading International 

 

 

4

Feeders 2: Slay Bells (1998)

Little monsters invade a mid-western town and only Santa can save the day. This sequel to one of the Polonia brothers' most successful movies features lashings of their trademark ineptitude. It's zero budget shot-on-VHS aesthetic won't be to everyone's tastes, but it's seriously funny and deserves to be seen by a wider audience.

 Plononia Brothers Entertainment

 

 

3

Tales of the Third Dimension (1984)

The final segment of this bizarre anthology movie sees a sweet old granny getting her murder on when the grandkids come to visit. Uniquely strange and tonally incoherent, Tales of the Third Dimension was completely ignored by audiences on release and has faired little better since. With only 64 ratings on the IMDb, this is a covert gem we should all be shouting about.

 E.O. Corporation

 

 

2

Silent Night, Deadly Night II (1987)

Boy sees parents killed by Santa, grows up, goes mad and steals huge swathes of the previous movie. This might be an obvious choice, given how high profile it is, but sometimes we should believe the hype, and Eric Freeman is incomparable as the naughty lunatic with a penchant for sensible sweaters and melodramatic murder. Seeing someone shot in the bins shouldn't be this funny. 

 Silent Night Releasing Corp./Umbrella Entertainment

 

 

1

Elves (1989)

Nazis try to create the Fourth Reich by mating an evil elf with an inbred virgin. At Christmas. Elves could be a gift from Santa himself. Everything is funny, but the ridiculous puppet, star Dan Haggerty's acting and the pair of science types who attempt to explain what's going on are all Christmas gold. It hasn't been released on DVD so beg Father Christmas for a VHS, you won't regret it.

 Fitzgerald Film Corporation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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